"I do not want the perfect family, husband, marriage, or children. I want a loving family, loving husband, loving marriage, and loving children."

"depression is not a sign of weakness, it just means you've had to be strong for far too long..."

Quotes......

Remember, it's not always what you DO that hurts someone... a lot of the time it's what you DON'T DO that hurts the most!!

Ive got a head full of stress, a heart full of pain, a hand full of anger found in my chest. Yeah I'm smiling but inside I'm dying..

The rain falls because the cloud can no longer handle the weight. The tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain.

Just because you can`t SEE my pain doesn't mean it`s not hurting me deep inside You can`t see the sun when it`s behind a cloud either yet you know it`s there!

 People die in different ways, and when you die emotionally, you have to die every single day because no matter what you do, you will always have an empty heart.

 There is only so much pain your body can hold, and when it is full, it overflows with your tears.

It's funny that your friends and family never have time for you, yet they all suddenly have time to attend your funeral. Right when you don't need them anymore.

I am so tired of holding everyone together when no one notices that I am falling apart.

Sometimes I am just too tired to be strong anymore, I need someone to be strong for me for once.

i need to cry.there are no tears.i need to scream.there is no voice.i need to leave this hell.there is no exit sign...

wish i had wings. I'd fly to the stars so i could disappear....

Wondering when this chapter of my life will be over. I just want to skip the next few pages already. I'm truly tired, in my heart and soul.

Emotionally.. I'm done... Mentally.. I'm drained.. Spiritually.. I feel dead.. & yet physically..I smile =)

I wish people were like music when you don't want to listen to them you can shut them off.

There is a LIE in believe,OVER in lover,US in trust, END in friend,and an IF in life stuff happens, and you learn that the hard way. Keep your head up!

Been busy the whole day. Too much to look after to... For awhile I forgot all the aches of my being. After the day, too tired already yet at the end of it all emptiness hangs around.
I guess I need something to keep my mind blurred from thinking about reality.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

I needed that... I need to shout out loud to let all the angst I have inside...

:'(

Another day, same old pain. All agony and frustration. It's like dying everyday yet unending pain. When will all this ends?

I miss my old self. Though I don't know where I'd left it nor where to find it. It like I hardly know myself anymore. I know I'm not like this before. Too weak. Frustrated. In chaos. I remember I used to be so sure of myself. So happy and free. But not anymore.

Pain... Wound... Scar....

All of a sudden it sinks in... In the middle of so many people I feel all alone... Too tired even just to analyze why things came to this. All I ever can think of is hoping everything would just stop. Wishing that when I sleep, I would just go on sleeping and not wake up anymore.

Just too tired.... Too broken... Is this midlife crisis already? No... Guess not... It's too early for that. I'm not even on my forties yet. Product of wrong decisions? Maybe. Entrusting everything to someone I thought would make me happy? Yes. Entrusting my life to the wrong person I guess.

A famous line in a movie keeps going through in my mind... "Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako o kailangan mo ako dahil mahal mo ako?" ( Do you love me because you need me or you need me because you love me?)

 Everything is all chaos now. Everything is blurred. I used to be always sure of my life, now I don't even know what life is. Its all dark. It's all pain. It's all resentment.

The saddest part of it, I have to face the day with a fake smile all along... As if nothing is wrong... That I live a perfect life.

Sometimes I want to just drown it all in a bottle of alcohol... I just drink til I'm too wasted to think about my sadness. So I could just sleep. But then, I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Tears falling down my face. This agony keeps haunting me.

A part of me says leave. I need yo find my happiness back so that I could rebuild my life. A part of me says stay. I need to give my life a second chance here...

But 14 years isn't enough yet? Fourteen long years of being in their shadow? For all those years it has always been about them. With me always being left and set aside. Is there any chance for them to realize my worth at all?

So tired of it all. Unappreciated. Unloved.

Letting Go

Don't look back if you're heading for the door;

Because if you do, It will hurt even more.

Don't try to explain, Don't tell me why;

If you're going to leave, Just tell me goodbye.

I love you, I'll miss you;

But I can make it alone.

I want you, I need you;

But I can hold on my own.

Because I can't tie you down;

I can't make you love just one.

So don't look back I tell you again;

Just kiss me goodbye if this is the end....